Until today, I was home-schooled. Now, I know what you’re thinking. ”Home-schooled kids are freaks.”. Or that we’re weirdly religious or something. But my family’s totally normal. Except for the fact that both my parents are research zoologists and we’ve spent the last twelve years in Africa. I had a great life. But then my Mum got offered tenure at Northwestern University. So it was goodbye Africa and hello high school.
Wait, no…. That isn’t right.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I used to run a website and media empire known as Milneroo.com. When it passed away under mysterious circumstances and misery and dread swept the land, out of the ashes rose this website. It’s sole purpose: to bring sassy back. 50 told me to go ahead and switch the style up and if they hate then let them hate and watch the money pile up.
You’ll find no solace here. Instead, you’ll find an aspiring writer. You’ll find a sickening amount of pop culture. You’ll find an unnatural obsession with Star Wars, high-top shoes and Miley Cyrus. You’ll find Joe’s Enraged, Inflamed Sense of Rejection. You’ll find something to Twitter about. If the internet is 100 Acre Wood then this is Eeyore’s Gloomy Place.
This website contains the satirical musings of a 20 year old obsessive-compulsive, rife with jealousy and self-loathing. I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen. I’ve found my Neverland, and I didn’t have to follow the second star to the right and straight on ‘til morning either. Her name is Temika Jayne Murray. She’s the bright center of my universe.
If you enjoy what I write then let me know. For me, comments are the self-esteem equivalent of Nitrous Oxide.
I’m the ‘88 Thriller of the ‘86 Killers, a Newcastle based artists collective.
Are you not entertained? Are you not entertained?! Is this not why you were here?!
In the words of Edward Cullen:
”I’m the world’s most dangerous predator. Everything about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell. As if I would need any of that. As if you could outrun me. As if you could fight me off. I’m designed to kill.”
